The other day I was sitting on a train in LA and sitting in front of me with his back towards me was a young man with the same color of red hair as you. He had the same haircut, the same sun-kissed neck, freckles, and build as you; the only difference was that he seemed a bit older, as if he was entering adulthood. For the entire train ride he always had his back towards me, and I never saw his face. I just imagined that it was you, sitting in front of me, for the entire train ride. I couldn’t help but imagine that you happened to be on the same train as I, and I couldn’t help but picture your face on that stranger in front me. I couldn’t help but feel that somehow I was silently with you, and I couldn’t help the silent tears run down my face for the entire length of the train ride. I never wanted this man to turn around, because I never wanted my fantasy to end. I couldn’t help but imagine in that man, the person you were, and the person you were meant to become, and I couldn’t help but feel this ache of love I have for you, Bryan. My bones strained under the weight of how much I miss you and long to hug you once more. I haven’t stopped grieving, and I haven’t stopped hurting; I’ve only gotten used to it. I had hoped that by some miracle it was you on the train and that you would get up and give me a big, beautiful hug that I’m always dreaming that I will get someday, and that I always dreamed I had gotten before you were gone. But, for now, I’ll be thinking about you every day as I have been, and I’ll be anticipating the hug, someday, in another life. Who knows, there may be trains in the after-life, yet. Just know that I love you, Bryan, and I always have. And I always will, brother. ♥